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  • Writer's pictureKeyaira Boone

7 Reasons I’m Not Coming To Your Event Sis

Updated: Jun 17, 2019

These days everybody and their mother has a Canva account and they’re ready to use it to show you why you should give up your Saturday morning and $75 to listen to them quote the Four Agreements. I didn’t need the New York Times style section to declare that “events are the new magazines,” to notice a trend. Brunches, parties, soirees, meetups, whatever you want to call them there IS no shortage of slots clogging up the social calendar in major cities all over the country. Content creators have shifted from blog posts and live tweeting to hustling the IRL experience. The themes of these events vary. Some are focused on body positivity while others revolve around the power of spirituality but the most popular by far is women’s empowerment. As a writer I’m often invited to these events for free so that I can report on what occurred but even that doesn’t make me want to leave the comfort of being curled up on my favorite ottoman to show up at these struggle conventions. Here are seven reasons I’m not coming to your event sis.

1. It’s At Your Auntie And ‘Em House

Everybody has to start somewhere but calling something you’re hosting in apartment 5-D an “event” is a stretch. I barely want to sit on my friends' couches (except yours Amanda!) I don't wanna kick it on yours. Choose an appropriate venue in your price range or do something less formal in a public setting. Otherwise I’ll pass sis.

2. It’s Overpriced

If you can get people to pay upwards of $60 for a tiny piece of chicken and a cold side dish more power to you but I can’t condone it.

Think reasonably about the activities, and atmosphere you’re providing and then choose a reasonable price that you would be willing to pay for the same.

3. It’s Falsely Advertised

Most event snafus can be solved by two words “managing expectations.” Do NOT promise your guests “luxury massages,” if what you’re offering is lackluster neck rubs. Likewise, don’t promote a business conference that’s actually a religious seminar or a tech event that’s about manifesting and healing. Realistically presenting what you’re offering ensures that your guests know what they signed up for and that they will be enthusiastic about it before they get there.

4. It’s A Scam

I don’t want to hear about your hustle if your only hustle is just teaching me how to hustle. I want to hear from performance coaches who can perform and writing coaches who can write period. If your biggest accomplishment is tricking everybody in the room to part with their coins, I’m not really down to support what you’re doing. Also, if pretty girl privilege played a part in your ascending to #girlboss status I think you should acknowledge that for attendees who might be less savvy. We all know 4C dark skinned girls get fewer corporate sponsorships than other bloggers and influencers so promising a room full of women who don’t look like you that they can do exactly what you did and get the same results is kind of shady. Just sayin’.

5. It’s A Job For Everyone In The Room

Requesting attendees use a hashtag and sign a release is one thing. Asking them to tap-dance every five minutes is quite another. If you’re already charging them an arm and a leg to be there don’t require them to work once, they get there. I get that it’s tempting to force that perfect swag surf moment you saw at Brunch N’ Grind at your event , but it will be even better if everyone involved participates voluntarily. Sisterhood is something that’s cultivated not curated. Create the environment and let things flow naturally because authenticity is more than a hashtag.

6. It’s Disorganized

Running a little late is fine but telling people lunch starts at 12 and having them starving at a quarter to 3 is out of order. Have a run of show and please do your best to stick to it. Also lists should be updated. Don’t tell people they can purchase tickets the morning of and treat them like step children when they arrive. Use the same Wi-Fi you used to create that custom snap filter to press refresh on your Eventbrite because somebody somewhere should know what's going on.

7. It’s At An Inopportune Time

Pay attention to what’s going on around you. Music festivals, beauty carnivals, concerts might impact the availability of your guests. You can’t complain that nobody supports you if you didn’t bother to check the calendar.

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